Furious

I am interrupting my recent and inexcusable blog-silence to say that I am furious.

The Sunday Times sums it up nicely:

House of frauds

…Amid publication of the excesses and abuses of MP’s expenses, the mother of parliaments stood revealed as the mother of all fiddles.

Phantom mortgages, moat cleaning, antique rugs, £8,000 TVs…..the politicians who lay down the laws of the land were shown to be all too grasping and vain.

MOAT CLEANING?!

WTF?!!

It seems that if you are a politician and fiddle your expenses, say for example, claiming £16,000 for a mortgage that doesn’t exist (tip of the iceberg by the way), all you have to do is say sorry and promise to pay the money back. What? Not fraud, not gross misconduct leading to dismissal? Seems not. Seems to me that if Joe Bloggs stole £16,000 from their employer, saying sorry just wouldn’t cut it.

One MP even claimed the cost of a couple of porn films that her husband had watched in their hotel bedroom!

So, here we are in the UK in a deepening recession, thousands of people losing their jobs and their homes and bankruptcies at an all time high (my own added to that number of course), and our leaders, those with “moral authority” are completely taking the piss and charging not just the cost of homes or mortgages that don’t exist but the cost of their porn movies to us?

Fuckers.

I hope the Official Receiver is as incensed as the rest of the country appears to be when he comes to look at the situations of people like me and deciding whether or not to slap them with 3 year payment orders. Yep, I’m still waiting to hear about that and whether or not they’re going to take my car.

Anyway. Rant over.

Now that blog-silence has been dealt with all I can say is – I’ll be back.

A Furious Femme

AKA QRx

A butch nurse made me scream

This last week has been heavily punctuated with various appointments, mostly concerning my health / benefits. Highlights included:

Being told by a benefits official that I was a “genuine” case! Most people apparently “have no intention of working”! That particular appointment ended with the guy telling me that he had financial problems and was considering bankruptcy. What did I think? Would he lose his house? Unbelievable.

Having my blood test on Wednesday. Now, I’m terrified of needles and embarrassingly, blood tests make me scream. Shame on me! Imagine my delight when I was called in for my test by a handsome butch nurse! There was a knowing smile and she said “take a seat darlin”. Of course, true to form, I screamed. I’ve never left that surgery with such a broad grin on my face!

In other news, a very dear friend of mine claims to have disproved Einstein’s E=MC(2) theory. That would probably sound weird enough if he were an eminent physicist but he’s an always stoned furniture dealer. He couldn’t tell me too much about it because apparently apart from needing a huge blackboard and lots of chalk, it wasn’t safe to do it over the phone. Yikes! Careful with that weed friend!

Project Boo’s Belly is underway. In fact she’s due for a weigh in, so I’ll report back on that. Also, I still need to devise the rewards / penalties points system.

I have my family coming over tomorrow to celebrate two birthdays. It’s always fun when my mob get together and I’m really looking forward to it. X will be coming too.

I’ve been following the Femmethology tour and have really enjoyed everyone’s contributions. It’s made me think about my own Femme-inity and I want to write again about that at some point. It’s very daunting though when there’s so much insightful stuff out there. For now I’ll just say that I’ve been really feeling how my femmeness has helped me over these past few difficult months. I’ve also been really feeling how my Boo’s butchness spotlights my femmeness. So, another post, another time.

Finally, I am going cross-eyed with the anticipation of collecting Gertie in 5 weeks and 1 day. The countdown begins! Roll on 30^th May!

With love

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Meet Gertie!

Here is Gertie being held by my Boo yesterday. She is a Border Terrier, nearly 3 weeks old and we pick her up on 30^th May.

I’ve wanted a dog for years but it’s never felt like the right time. Now living here, on the river, with parks and marshes all around it seemed criminal not to have one. Not that I haven’t wrestled with it of course. It’s a huge commitment. That’s my style though. Over think, worry, analyse to death, blah blah blah. But just look at her! Right decision, eh? Isn’t she GORGEOUS?!

With puppy love

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Boo's belly

Spain was…… very restful indeedy. I’m feeling much better because of it but then having FANTASTIC sex, sleeping lots and eating lots will have that effect I suppose! It was just what I needed. It didn’t matter that the weather was mostly horrid. I arrived back on Sunday with a feint tan on my face and hands, more (cheap) tobacco than you can shake a stick at and Project Boo’s Belly.

Now, let’s get one thing straight from the get go. My Boo is stunning. She is perfect. She does not need to lose any weight. But she has charged me to oversee the loss of her belly. It breaks my heart really because I love every inch of her, and that includes her belly. But what the Boo wants, the Boo gets. And, oh does she! Like the other night when...ahem… I digress...

Boo wants to lose 2 stones. I have no idea where that number has come from but anyway, that’s what I’ll be overseeing from here on in.

I’ve given her THE RULES for her first week, every day she must:

1. Have breakfast
2. Drink 3 litres of still water
3. Have 5 portions of fresh fruit / veg
4. Eat no more than one slice of bread per day
5. Eat nothing after 7pm
6. Eat nothing containing more than 5% fat
7. Exercise

I’ll be writing up a proper plan this week which will include a points system for penalties and rewards. YUMMY! Any ideas?

I think I’m going to enjoy this. A LOT!!!

Watch this space.

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Lighten up FFS!

Oh OK then.

I was fed up with the very dark background here so I got the decorators in!

Much better methinks.

Anyway, a few small updates from this little corner of Spain:

1. I've been eating for England since we arrived and the half stone I needed to lose before getting to my ideal weight will be out of sight forever if I carry on at this rate! So, I'll be checking myself from tomorrow. But, oh my gosh! Spanish chocolate!! YUM!!

2. I've been really kicking back and resting. There have even been one or two snoozes on the beach! Me likey :-)

3. My Boo burnt her ankles yesterday! Silly Boo! How did she manage that?!

And, that's about it really. Sum up: chocolate (and other yummy stuff), resting & snoozing, beach and Boo. Nuff said.


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meme (of course!)

More than a little while ago I was tagged by the very gracious Grumpy Granny. So thanks GG! I love tags, so here goes:

Five names you go by
Baby Boo - obviously only used by my Boo *blushing*.
I’m also called FC or favourite client by a very dear friend.

Three things you are wearing right now
Fluffy red sparkly socks, my black comfies and a hair band.

Three things you want very badly at the moment
Good mental health, good physical health and a nice cup of tea.

Two people who will probably fill this out
Hopefully, everyone I’m tagging will fill this out! See below lucky people!

Two things you did last night
Had amazing sex and watched 2 episodes of the Vicar of Dibley (not in that order!)

Two things you ate today
Two very nice yellow plums? Oh, OK then… a delicious chocolate brownie. Well I am on holiday!

Two people you last talked to on the phone
An idiot at my local benefits office. And then Denver, my unofficial benefits adviser.

Two things you are doing tomorrow
Getting some sun and reading a book on the beach.

Two longest car rides
One springs immediately to mind - When I was about 10, traveling with my family and our dog in a packed out transit van to Yorkshire. The van could only do about 40 miles an hour and when we eventually arrived in the early hours of the morning we couldn’t get in to the cottage we had booked until 2pm. By mid morning I thought I was dying but my mum assured me it was trapped wind. How right she was!

Two of your favourite beverages
Easy – tea and water.

I was thinking about who to tag and I decided to throw caution to the wind and challenge my Boo of course, femmeisymgender, Holden, Leo, freedomgirl, Greg, wicked, Dar, Jess and Running away with the Spoon.

You know you want to!

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Coping and not coping

The other day wicked left a very kind comment on my last post about how well I was coping with my stuff.

She made me think about how much still I self-censor here. Yes, I have coped but I’ve not coped too, and I wanted to say a few things about that.

First off though, about coping – I have the love and support of my Boo, family and friends and I also have my daily dose of Prozac. I’ve been quite flippant about what I’ve called my “chemical assistance” here, but it really is that. Sometimes my dose takes the edge off things but sometimes it doesn’t. I don’t want to go in to all my “stuff” now, all the emotional challenges and issues – because I’ve at least referred to most of it here before but mainly because the detail simply isn’t relevant. I think that everyone has their limit when it comes to how well they can continue to be with the challenges life throws at them and my particular limit has been reached is all.

You know when you’ve worked hard all year and then you get to take a few days off and then you get ill? Well, that’s kind of how I’d describe what’s happening with me right now. I’ve been climbing that mountain and now that the peak is in sight my mind & body is saying “enough”. It’s a fair cop I suppose. Despite the efforts of everyone around me I didn’t really take it easy after having my gall bladder out. Apart from never being able to sit still anyway, I’d just moved in to my new flat and had my benefits to sort out to say nothing of the bankruptcy. Oops wasn’t going to do any details! But those are just a few of the more recent challenges!

My body saying “enough”: Generally, I get very tired. On Sunday, Boo and I traveled here to Spain. She drove the short distance to Stansted airport and I slept for most of the flight which took just over 2 hours. We were met at Alicante and driven the hour long journey to the flat in Denia. Again, I slept most of the way. When we arrived at around 4pm I was absolutely exhausted and white as a sheet. After having something to eat, I slept for the rest of the evening and then went to bed and slept right through to Monday morning.

My mind saying “enough”: Apart from being generally quite tearful and anxious there have been some very specific bad times. Like recently lying paralyzed with an overwhelming sense of dread and hopelessness in the bath for what seemed like an eternity, unable to move.

So I really am going to take it easy. A few final pieces of the jigsaw are falling in to place (like benefits actually being paid and the bankruptcy being finalized) and then I’ll be able to lie down on my sofa and sleep and rest and recover.

My goodness! What my Boo has had to deal with over the last 2 years! There’s been one issue after another with me and I don’t want to keep burdening her or our relationship with my shit. We’ve talked about it of course and despite her protests I haven’t lost my senses completely and realize when enough is enough. And it really is. Like I said to her recently, I don’t need or want a carer any more than she needs or wants a patient. Being so needy is very unattractive and not sexy at all.

But, it is what it is. If I could change how I’m feeling of course I would. Apart from anything else, and this may seem strange, I am very happy with my life and relationships now and very, very in love with Boo. My depression is a result of an accumulation of stress / difficult life events, it’s an illness from which I’ll recover just like if I had a broken leg. There are no quick fixes, there’s not one single thing that anyone could put their finger on and resolve to make it go away. Just like the broken leg, you have to deal with the very practical stuff around mending the leg, not ponder what caused it to be broken in the first place.

I’m seeing my excellent GP regularly, remembering to count my many blessings and now, finally, I’m accepting what I need to do to get better and that is to really rest.

I wanted to write this so that what is here is honest and fairly represents me and my life – otherwise what’s the point?

I don’t have any quips to end on but promise to post some jollier entries from my next 2 weeks in Spain.

With love
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